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45 Lies a Narcissist Tells to Control You

A narcissist by definition, needs you more than you need them. They feed off of our admiration, and baring that, simply our attention, good or bad. However, this is their number one fear, that we will realize how little they actually give back to us, gather our OWN self confidence, and leave them. Therefore, they will say or do anything, ANYTHING,  to make you change your mind and stay in the relationship. There are a number of signs controlling relationship, here are some phrases you may be hearing on a regular basis.


  1. I Will Change (or I HAVE changed).
  2. You’re Overreacting.
  3. I have NEVER cheated on you (or I’m a faithful husband).
  4. You’re acting crazy.
  5. You will never be anything without me.
  6. If you wouldn’t make me so angry I wouldn’t do ________ (or As long as you don’t do ____ I wont do ______).
  7. You should just do what I asked and then we wouldn’t have a problem.
  8. Why are you doing it like that? That makes no sense.
  9. If you were home all day, why isn’t _______ done? What did you do all day?
  10. I give you everything.
  11. All you ever do is ask for stuff (or “all I ever hear is ‘I want, I want, I want'”).
  12. Don’t you love me?
  13. Every other wife/mother does ______ ,except you.
  14. You’re lazy!
  15. I hate you!
  16. You don’t realize how lucky you are.
  17. I’m doing this for your own good.
  18. You’re too weak to be alone.
  19. I make more money than you so you don’t need to work.
  20. You’re too fat. (or more subtly, maybe you should go on a diet/ go to the gym/ not eat that).
  21. Quit whining.
  22. Another woman would treat me better.
  23. (My ex) used to do _____ for me but you don’t.
  24. You don’t do anything right!
  25. I always have to do everything!
  26. You don’t communicate.
  27. You don’t give me any affection.
  28. I don’t feel like you love me anymore.
  29. You’re pathetic.
  30. I can’t believe how worthless you are, I carry this family!
  31. I’m sorry, but _______.
  32. You would be so much more attractive if _______.
  33. The only reason anyone would be with you is for sex.
  34. You don’t want me to be happy.
  35. If you leave Ill tell people_______.
  36. If you leave you will never see the kids again.
  37. How could you think about walking out on me and the kids?!
  38. You’re destroying this family!
  39. If you leave, Ill hurt myself and it will be your fault.
  40. No one else will love you.
  41. Other people don’t like you, good thing you have me!
  42. No one else is bothered by _______, whats your problem?
  43. (Name of someone close to you)____ always lets you down, why do you spend so much time with them?
  44. I feel like you’re ignoring me.
  45. ________________________. (Nothing at all, silence and ignoring you is a form of control)

Obviously, some of these could be perfectly innocent and genuine. Sometimes you do need to tell someone when you feel your being ignored or if they hurt you. But, the overall picture should be taken into account and you should realize that an atmosphere of criticism and anxiety about displeasing them is not normal or healthy in a relationship. These phrases are used often to gain and keep control between partners and are serious signs controlling relationship.

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11 thoughts on “45 Lies a Narcissist Tells to Control You…

  1. she says:

    If I may add to this list:
    – Calls you names like “touchless” when you won’t have sex when he demands you too.
    – Considers “supporting” you as in carrying the family financially rather than supporting you as in emotionally.
    – Or if they were given the choice to stand and confront the issues or never speak to you at all. He chooses to never speak to you at all. Ever.

    1. Kim says:

      You mentioned emotional support. I realize now that can never happen in any form, not even on the smallest scale. He caught me crying after coming out of my daughters room. She has been suffering from severe depression and it hits her hard sometimes. He asked why I was crying and I said its nothing. I’m fine. But he insisted on knowing, so I said while sobbing “Sally isn’t doing very well. As a parent, It’s hard to see her this way and not be able to fix it “. His response? without looking at me, turn up the football game on TV. That’s it… I wish I were not still shocked by this behavior. I wish it didn’t hurt. I wish he would take the out, when I say it’s nothing. But he wanted to know. Maybe he takes the information and stores it for later. I really don’t know. It’s perplexing and mindnumbing really. Maybe I am naïve, but I’d like to believe that a normal person would at least touch your shoulder, say “sorry to hear that, how can I help” or just give a courtesy nod to acknowledge you heard me.. my god, it’s just abnormal

      1. she says:

        It is abnormal…These people aren’t human and are just the cruelest that they can come.

        1. Dan says:

          hunter warriors from old

    2. Danielle Nelson says:

      And maybe add “I always love the person I’m with more than they love me.”

  2. Monique says:

    My husband says “95% if women would be happy to have a husband like me” if I show that I am unhappy about something. He will then proceed to require an insane amount of praises if he prepared the coffee for the next morning. He withholds love, affection, attention or purposely not contact me during the day knowing that it hurts my feelings. I get called names when we argue, or he argues and yells and I sit and listen he then proceeds to say he wants a divorce, etc. and ignore me for days. Been called the b and c word many a times. doesn’t happen often but when it does, it really hurts.

    Can anyone recommend books on the topic? To help me? I feel like I can’t even talk to him or else I am crazy and never happy.

    1. Samantha Matthews says:

      Oh yeah, I get that too. The whole, “Im such an awesome husband, whats wrong with you?” act. Its really irritating.

      I just read this book, and I will keep posting more reviews as I read more, but I found this highly enlightening and it has great tips on “managing/controlling” the narcissism.

    2. Cecilia says:

      Look up Roy Masters on Facebook. He also has books. I think one of the books is called Adam and Eve síndrome.

    3. Bianca says:

      It will never get better. I have been there. Just take the kids, do not listen to any promise, leave and get yourself a real life. Save yourself and your children!

  3. marcha says:

    And “That wasn’t my intention, so you’re taking it the wrong way”. (He grabs you, you say “Ouch, you’re hurting me!”, he says “That wasn’t my intention, so it shouldn’t hurt”.

  4. Calendula says:

    Very familiar with these lines. For 17 years, but I’m out now.

    When he said he wanted a divorce, he also included a “must be completed by” date. At that moment, I thought, “He was SUPPOSED to love me and cherish me, but since doesn’t/won’t/can’t, then forget it, let’s move out and move on!” So I agreed. Then he was incredulous….”Is THAT all it took?” He asked with surprised, round eyes. What, did he think I would fight and cry that I didn’t “get” to put up with more mistreatment?

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