Seems like that’s the question every day. I’m figuring it out a bit at a time, I suppose, but here is what I have so far.
I am a woman, a fact of which constantly surprises me after being treated like a child for so long. I am a mother, which brings me my greatest joy and my greatest sorrow, as I wouldn’t have any joy without them, my two little lights, and I am heartbroken over the life I have found us in.
I’m a college student who is studying psychology, which is how I discovered my husband is beyond all hope and my marriage is doomed (or I am, depending on how long I stay).
I’m an artist, though that part of myself has been tucked away for fear he would kill it.
I’m a dreamer, a planner, a believer. I have been a good wife, my forgiveness runs deep. I believe in being kind to everyone, and expecting the same in return. I believe in never giving up, that I can do anything I set my mind to.
I am the perfect narcissistic supply. And now I believe he will never change, will never care about me, will never be the example of a good man I hoped for my children. Now, I am done.
Often, I battle depression, and my ADD drives me crazy. I’m pretty sure I have PTSD from his rages, though hes never hit me, his anger and words are horrible to deal with for a Highly Sensitive, Empath such as myself. But I am a strong person, and I am rebuilding myself, a bit at a time. I find I cannot accept the destruction so common for spouses divorcing a Narcissist, I will build myself a decent life and support system, financially and emotionally, before I cut the cord. Until then, this will tell my story of trying to hang on….