Home » Abuse » “Ashes By Now”, Narcissistic Traits


treeThe kids have been off school this last week and we decided to go to the mountains, even though we really couldn’t afford it and I should have been working. Whatever, it was nice to get away for awhile and we had a nice time with relatively few incidents. Seriously, it was nice, I read a book. Played games with kid one, kid 2 stood on her own for the first time. Seems like everything was peaceful, if not “fine” in the traditional sense of the word.

Except for one thing, turns out, hes been talking shit about me and lying to “our” friends about me. And he was doing this even this weekend, while I thought we were having a good time.  Apparently, I did something to lock him out of our bank accounts so he couldn’t give his buddy several hundred dollars (donated!) to his CD project. Never mind the fact that we haven’t made enough money with the business (now defunct) in months, far longer than when he committed to giving him this money. Hes been taking PICTURES of the unfinished housework that hes decided was my job to do, and sending them to his friends, bitching about how I don’t do anything around the house. And hes also been talking to our neighbor who recently broke up with her long term boyfriend, to the extent that shes offered her house to him while shes out of town so he can have a place to go if he “needs” it. I guess I shouldn’t be shocked, its one of the top narcissistic traits, but I never expected it.

Its crazy. I thought I was beyond him hurting me. I seriously never thought he would do this, though its common behavior for a narcissist. I documented it, and saved it to my email. I don’t know what Ill do with it, but its better to have it I guess. If for nothing else to remind me what a scumbag loser I married. I mean, who DOES that? And how long has he been doing it? Hes got everyone snowed into thinking hes this great guy, this great dad, and apparently they think I’m this big slob and a shitty wife. I mean, his favorite insults are to tell me im fat and lazy. Though I worked 6 days a week for four years, Im the furthest thing from lazy. Im tired, not lazy. And Im trying not to have a nervous break down. And Im sick of him expecting me to do everything with no praise, and he should get a freaking parade if he cleans the damn stove.

I’m just so done. If someone came along and told me they could fix my marriage, at this point I would tell them to go to hell. I don’t want to stay with him. I don’t trust him, I don’t respect him. I don’t like him. I don’t want to be with him at all.

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6 thoughts on ““Ashes By Now”, Narcissistic Traits

  1. Tami says:

    How do you get to that place? The place where you don’t want it anymore?

    1. Tal says:

      If you stick around long enough HE will get you to that place.or you will have a moment where you realize the new problem he has this week is actually the first problem you had as a couple twenty years ago. That moment where u realize he doesn’t understand you one bit or respect you in the least will come about when u need him the most. And you look around and realize that you need him no one else cared. Any did his opinion matter so much

  2. Christi says:

    I am so sorry. How horrible that he treats you like that and no matter what you do it isn’t good enough. Mine is borderline Narc so I’m either the best thing in his entire world or I don’t exist. I am so tired of the roller coaster, but I do love him. It broke my heart to read your blog. I found it under ‘the ax forgets but the tree remembers’ and how true that quote is! My hubby is actually getting a lot better, but the damage is hard to forget, even so. I am praying for you.

    1. Doralelu says:

      How did things get better? What was your attitude?

  3. Jane says:

    Sounds familiar.

  4. Christa says:

    I can’t begin to tell you how similar of a situation my narcissistic x-husband has created. He has always convinced the world, including my own family, that he is this amazing man. And a year ago, he not only convinced a judge of that, but convinced him that I am an awful mother (and that’s putting it nicely). Although I am cillehe educated, I am physically disabled & therefore survive on little income. When he filed for full custody of our 3 children (whom I have raised & been home with for the past 10 years) in am effort to prevent me from filing for an increase in my measly child support, he made horrifying accusations about me…..all certifiably untrue. I was able to retain a lawyer for the $800 I had available to me, but apparently that wasn’t enough for the lawyer to take the case seriously and make any real effort to defend me or even point out my x’s unacceptable behavior & attitude as a father. Not to mention how extremely emotionally & mentally abusive he is to our boys. At our final hearing, my lawyer referred to the wrong child, not even knowing which of my children were which. Needlessly to say, the irresponsible & narcissistic bastard & his high-priced lawyer won & got him full custody of our children. So now, with even less money to live on (although my x EXPECTS me to provide everything for my children on their days with me), I have no way of acquiring an attorney to fight the decision, and most everyone that knows him is convimced he’s an all-star father and man. He is smart enough to know what behavior society expects & only shows himself when no one else is watching. The man isn’t even capable of having any concerned emotions towards our children & their well-being, yet now has total control over all decisions in their lives. The frustration, stress, & heartache is overwhelming. I hate that you are married to a similarly narcissistic man, but you sharing your story has provided me some comfort in knowing I am not alone. May God bless you!

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