Home » Archive by category "domestic abuse"

Going Grey Rock

Going Grey Rock So for the past few months I’ve been in survival mode, placating him and trying to repair/ rebuild my life behind the scenes. I’ve been trying to live like everything is fine and great and wonderful. Not making waves, not fighting back, going along with his plans. Not even thinking about using the Grey Rock method at all. But now I’m done with that. I’ve been reading more (I will get my reviews up this next week, I promise. I’ve read some awesome books you guys!) and I’m realizing how to get rid of a narcissist: be...
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Documenting Narcissistic Abuse

Documenting Narcissistic Abuse
Documenting Narcissistic Abuse One of the most important things you can do when preparing to leave an abusive relationship is documenting the abuse your going through. This is critical for a couple reasons:  #1, If you end up in court then you will have something to support your word against his. #2, After your gone you will have something solid to reference when the narc either tries to hoover you back in or continues to gaslight you.  (For the purposes of this article I will be using the pronoun him to refer to the abuser. Feel free to insert whatever...
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Why its so Hard to Leave a Narcissist

divorcing a narcissist
Why its so Hard to Leave a Narcissist “I don’t understand why you stay” “He is so horrible, you will be better off without him, just go!” “You should just leave him!” ~Divorcing a Narcissist I hear these things weekly, if not daily here on the blog. And I get it, I would say the same thing to me, or would have, before I lived it. Before I DID “just leave”. Before I understood why people go back to relationships like this. Make no mistake, its not for any overwhelming love or desire for him. It was for practical reasons...
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I’m a Hypocrite (and So Are You)

I am going to confess something, something I actually just realized, sadly. Something that struck me as I was bouncing around on Pinterest this morning and reflecting on recent arguments with the Narc. I am a hypocrite, and its destroying my life. The Number One thing I get mad at him for is his instance the I am responsible for how he feels, not only that, but that however he is feeling is 100% the truth (in his mind). That is crazy, right? Any modern psychologist will tell you that no, only children act like that. You ALONE are responsible...
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How to tell if YOU’RE the Problem in your Relationship

How to Tell If YOU’RE the Problem In Your Relationship Love Me at My Worst I read an excellent article today over at the Huffington Post. Excellent that is, if your in a normal relationship. If I Cant Accept You at Your Worst, Maybe You Should Stop Being So Horrible is awesome advice for people if you are married or partnered with a Narcissist, simply because that is really their attitude about everything. They believe they are entitled to your absolute devotion, no matter what they do to you. But the danger is then, the advice can easily be turned against...
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Narcissistic Betrayal

Narcissistic Betrayal
Narcissistic Betrayal~ I have recently began to wonder at what point you define betrayal in your marriage. Of course, sexual intercourse with someone other than your spouse is probably the major, inarguable one. But what about shaming your spouse in front of your friends. What about confiding all your marital troubles in a “friend” of the opposite sex? What about inappropriate friendships that maybe don’t cross the line to physical, but are inappropriately close? And what if your spouse (who is doing these things) is a narcissist? I would say, I definitely FEEL betrayed. I really thought I didn’t care if...
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19 Signs You’re Married to a Narcissist

Married to a Narcissist ~ *(I am not a psychologist, I have experience with this situation and I am sharing from that and my own research. I have approached this from a females perspective, as that is what I am and what I have been dealing with in my husband). It’s been said that narcissism is one of the most difficult mental disorders to diagnose, for a few reasons; first, Narcissists tend to believe there is nothing wrong with them, so they do not admit to having problems and don’t seek help in the first place. Second, they are masters at...
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Thats Why I Stayed

thatswhyistayed
In the Dark Its funny, I have been discovering more about narcissism and trying to really see my situation for over a year now, and I still seem to feel like I know hardly anything about what I’m up against and how much I am losing. And its not because I am leaving (though he doesn’t know that), its because of him, and his behavior. Spending 12 years thinking we were a team has left me totally vulnerable to his destruction of my life. My credit sucks because he cant manage money AT ALL, and blames me for it. Granted, his...
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Complex PTSD

ComplexPTSD
So, I stumbled across a fun little tidbit the other day, apparently, Complex PTSD actually changes the physical characteristics of your brain. I have been reeling a little from this, and also re-examining the way I view my relationship and the name I’m giving the abuse he is inflicting on me. I mean, technically, he is changing my physical being in a hateful way, so is that not then, physical abuse? The research did study soldiers, not the victims of abusive partners, and having never been in actual war zones, I cannot compare our experiences, though I would imagine their is much...
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Whats Really Normal, When Your Living With a Narcissist?

So, I really didn’t know what to post. Its been crappy these last few days, but nothing huge. And so I find myself wondering if I’m just so used to all this crap, that his abuse has become normal. After all, its not like he’s beating me. Just dragging my reputation through the mud and getting mad at me if I even hint he might be abusive. Example: I liked the post from Huffington post “He Never Hit Me“, and for some lovely reason Facebook decided to broadcast that particular like and he saw it. Of course he took it...
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