Home » Archive by category "narcissist"

Righteous Anger

So, got my divorce decree today. It’s a weird feeling. Someone compared it to having a rotten tooth pulled, the pain is gone, but you still run your tongue over the empty place and feel the loss. I think that’s the perfect analogy. The thing that has surprised me though, is the rage. Mine. At odd moments, for no reason I can identify, I am soul-shakingly angry. And if you know me, I am NOT that person. I probably err on the side of being TOO nice actually (duh, married to a narc for ten years, WAY too nice). But...
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19 Things to Remember when Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse

19 Things to Remember when Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse I am almost three months into my divorce process and the time and space have done amazing things to heal my heart and soul. I will admit, things have been much easier for me than I expected. I got a great job right away, which is gradually ramping up my hours so I have time to adjust and get my finances in order before I get off government assistance. I have all the support I need from my family and Im living with my parents, which, while...
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17 Low Cost Ways to Fight Depression

17 Low Cost Ways to Fight Depression Pretty much every woman/man I have talked to with a narcissistic partner has some depression/depressed attitudes. (See the graphic below to evaluate some of the signs of depression in women and men). This is to be expected after a prolonged period of mental and emotional abuse. Your spirit kind of dies and sinks a little as you lose the hope of your relationship ever being healthy and you forget who you are. Its super important though, to recognize that this is temporary and you can get yourself back, even while you’re still WITH...
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Same Sh*t, Different Day

So, he finally asked me about my taxes today, and was predictably pissed when I told him I claimed one of the kids. Gave me this whole long speech about what if “we” could have gotten more money by him filing and claiming both kids.   At the end of the argument, he stalked off in a huff and told me “I’m sure glad I’m a part of your life!”. This is a tactic. He does things on his own all the time and since I didn’t ask permission to claim one of the kids and he wont get as...
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Going Grey Rock

Going Grey Rock So for the past few months I’ve been in survival mode, placating him and trying to repair/ rebuild my life behind the scenes. I’ve been trying to live like everything is fine and great and wonderful. Not making waves, not fighting back, going along with his plans. Not even thinking about using the Grey Rock method at all. But now I’m done with that. I’ve been reading more (I will get my reviews up this next week, I promise. I’ve read some awesome books you guys!) and I’m realizing how to get rid of a narcissist: be...
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Documenting Narcissistic Abuse

Documenting Narcissistic Abuse
Documenting Narcissistic Abuse One of the most important things you can do when preparing to leave an abusive relationship is documenting the abuse your going through. This is critical for a couple reasons:  #1, If you end up in court then you will have something to support your word against his. #2, After your gone you will have something solid to reference when the narc either tries to hoover you back in or continues to gaslight you.  (For the purposes of this article I will be using the pronoun him to refer to the abuser. Feel free to insert whatever...
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Why its so Hard to Leave a Narcissist

divorcing a narcissist
Why its so Hard to Leave a Narcissist “I don’t understand why you stay” “He is so horrible, you will be better off without him, just go!” “You should just leave him!” ~Divorcing a Narcissist I hear these things weekly, if not daily here on the blog. And I get it, I would say the same thing to me, or would have, before I lived it. Before I DID “just leave”. Before I understood why people go back to relationships like this. Make no mistake, its not for any overwhelming love or desire for him. It was for practical reasons...
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When Does Bible say Divorce Acceptable?

When Does Bible Say Divorce is Right? First off, I am not going to preach about does Bible say divorce is evil. I think God gave us divorce for a reason, if you are with a Narcissist, you have good in your soul and he/she is feeding off you. Also, while I don’t believe every word of the Bible is to be followed (because, bacon!) as far as living a good life full of love, there is a lot great information there. I do believe in God, I believe He loves me and you immeasurably, I also believe there is...
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45 Lies a Narcissist Tells to Control You…

SIGNS CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIP
45 Lies a Narcissist Tells to Control You A narcissist by definition, needs you more than you need them. They feed off of our admiration, and baring that, simply our attention, good or bad. However, this is their number one fear, that we will realize how little they actually give back to us, gather our OWN self confidence, and leave them. Therefore, they will say or do anything, ANYTHING,  to make you change your mind and stay in the relationship. There are a number of signs controlling relationship, here are some phrases you may be hearing on a regular basis....
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The Illusion of Choice with a Narcissist

Any presentation of choice in your relationship with an abuser is really an illusion. They will cajole, pout, or threaten to get their way. Or simply just never stop talking about it until you give up. In addition, if you stand your ground and DONT agree with whatever crazy idea they’re trying to get you to go along with, they act out. So, if you disagree with his suggestion, on anything, you’re punished for it, even if they appear to go along with your plan. They will pull out all the stops to make sure you know they didn’t want...
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