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Found on dumpaday.comSo, yesterday He told me I am acting “entitled” and taking advantage of him, in the midst of another argument over how I’m not bringing in enough money, though I have made more money in the last two months than in the four months before, enough to get all caught up in fact. Regardless, he’s angry because even though I am still running our business from home and caring for our baby and running a million errands daily, in between baby naps, taking kid 1 to school and bringing home after, along with working until 11 or 12 every night to get things finished, that I am not doing enough. REALLY?!

It really made me mad, and got me thinking. DAMN RIGHT I’M ENTITLED! I’m entitled to a spouse who sees and appreciates everything I do, everything I have sacrificed for this family, for the business, to make things happen. I’m entitled to respect for carrying two children through horrible pregnancy’s, working up until the delivery date, and going back to work three and six weeks postpartum, respectively. I’m entitled to a little appreciation for good meals cooked, endless forgiveness given, and generally being a nice person to live with despite his horrible moods.  I’m entitled to having my bills paid on time and not getting my water and electric shut off because someone “forgot” to pay the bill. I’m entitled to a home that is a good example for my kids. And I’m tired of not getting any of it.

I have told him these things, by the way. I’ve told him his moods scare me, that most of the time, I just don’t like him because of how he’s acting. I’ve told him that hes destroyed my trust in him by going behind my back for the entire time we were dating/engaged and doing cocaine, and then admitting it to me three years after, for some odd reason, and expecting me to just be cool with it because he didn’t do it anymore. I mean, I had no idea he was doing it in the first place! So how am I to believe him now? I tell him all these things and he gets sad, upset that I “never told him I felt this way” and suddenly its my fault again. Seriously, I am dumbfounded most of the time at his behavior. And then, the best part, he gets angry at me, says I don’t love him anymore (true) and acts like its something he can demand of me. While he treats me like crap, he can’t understand why our relationship isn’t getting better? Sigh.

Its not getting better because I refuse to accept responsibility for his behavior anymore. I used to apologize, cater to him, try and make things better. I don’t anymore. If he wants to act like a two year old and throw a fit because life isn’t going his way, I let him. And I apologize if I’m wrong, but not in excess. Ill admit responsibility for my mistakes, yes, but I’m not taking the blame for his shit too. And that single thing is what is causing the continued breakdown of our “marriage”. He slept on the couch again last night. I’m guessing he will until I humbly ask him to come back to bed. Hope its comfy there because I find I sleep better alone.

Picture found at dumpaday.com

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