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I’ve done a lot of serious reflecting on how to get over a narcissist and the damage left behind the relationship this past week, someone made a comment that has stuck with me, about focusing my energy and attracting more negativity (or positivity) into my life. (Thank you, reader!) It has made me look at my actions and my thought pattens. As I’ve done that I have noticed the Universe has been guiding me this direction for a while now. Telling me to start living my life and not letting others live it for me. Not letting everyone else steer my ship, not let the past dictate the future.

Lost in the Past

HOW TO GET OVER A NARCISSIST

It’s really easy to get caught back up in the hurricane, even after you have left. If you have kids with someone and they aren’t a deadbeat, you’re going to be stuck with them in your life, in one way or another, forever. Even as you’re moving on and living your new day to day. I/we have to learn how to get over a Narcissist, or more accurately, what and who we became while we were with them.

The Narcissist still finds reasons to message me and be all high and mighty for no reason. He’s still causing issues. He is still someone I have to think about every day. I hate that, but it’s the way it is. I’m assuming this will eventually ebb away as the girls get older and the court issues are settled, but I’m getting off track here.

The truth is, I can still let the old patterns creep in, and the longer I’m in another relationship the more I become aware of my own unhealthy patterns that I adopted to survive the end of my marriage and relationship with a Narcissist. I still revert back to those same habits now, under stress. Somehow, survival mode became the default and peace and calm are something I have to choose. Happiness is a choice, after all. And while those behaviors were necessary then, they cause un-necessary stress and heartache now.

Thought Become Reality

Sometimes it feels like Im still broken; I am a successful, working woman, who takes care of her kids and her responsibilities. But I am still flawed in ways I hate, and I have to change. And focusing on my pain, and my hurt, and the past (because its OLD pain and OLD hurt- it’s over now!) only brings more of that into my life and eats away at my soul. Some things may take a while to heal, but some things need to be put away now, like fear.

A Wake Up Call

I’ve been letting life happen to me, and its been on my mind even as I let it keep happening. So Thank You reader, for being yet another voice of the Universe telling me to start CHOOSING my life and how I want to live it. I’ve been dreaming of my goals instead of chasing them, getting through the day instead of embracing it, living for bedtime or the next quiet evening, or when my girls come home or whatever. I need to take the moments given to me and make them count, even if its a quiet moment with a good book (Rachel Hollis is amazing, check out the book below) and a cup of coffee.

“Girl Get a hold of your life. Stop medicating, stop hiding out, stop being afraid, stop giving away pieces of yourself, stop saying you cant do it. Stop the negative self talk, stop abusing your body, stop putting it off for tomorrow, or Monday or next year. Stop crying about what happened and take control of what happens next. Get up, right now. Rise up from where you’ve been, scrub away the tears and the pain of yesterday, and start again… Girl, wash your face!”

~Rachel Hollis, “Girl, Wash Your Face!

How to Get Over a Narcissist

I think it comes down to choosing something better. I could spend the rest of my life reliving the same problems I’ve already faced, or I can choose to move on. After all, fear is just worry in disguise. The only moment we really have is right now, and right now I am safe, he is 40 miles away and he cant even talk to me unless I answer the phone. Right now, I am at peace and I need to choose to live in the moment and not live in fear of the possibilities.

So now I focus on letting go, and dropping the old things I’ve held on to, so I can pick up new, happy things. You can’t hold hope if your hands are full of fear and the past, right? I think, even with what I’m still dealing with, it’s time to move on.

Suggested Reading:

Please note that I may receive a commission from sales generated by the links above, however I have found these books to be helpful, thought provoking, and generally useful in my own recovery. Check them out from Amazon or head over to your local library!

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