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facb440018c3c2d9293d6b2b95b52132I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore, and I finally really told someone what I’m dealing with. Luckily, she already kinda knew and has always seen my husband for who he really is (which is why they have never really gotten along). And now I feel SO much better. Just because I know its really, absolutely, 100% not all in my head, and someone KNOWS and supports me. That’s so huge.

I feel more accountable now too. I cant let the depression take me over, I have to fight it and get myself to the point of being able to get away. There is so much still to do, but I have the opportunity to do it and prepare before he knows anything about what I’m doing. I really think he would be shocked to know I’m actually planning on leaving him. Its his “big gun” in every fight, trying to intimidate and scare me into doing what he wants. And I’m not dealing with it anymore. I am done, and even though it still seems a little confusing and overwhelming I have to start taking the steps to make my life better. And to give myself a chance to find a good man who will love me and my girls and hopefully, show them how a relationship is really supposed to be, not this horrible, manipulative, dysfunctional mess I’m living in now…

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2 thoughts on “Im NOT crazy…

  1. Amanda says:

    My childhood friend and I have been estranged for about three years now. I’m pretty sure she’s married to a raging narcissist. He and I mostly tolerated each other, but his insults finally got the better of me, and I’m no longer willing to subject myself to his psychic energy. But I’ve always felt so bad about feeling this way about my best friend’s husband. I have battled with myself about whether or not to tell her my concerns for her. We text each other on our birthdays now, and that’s about it. Last time I saw her, she seemed vacant. I can only imagine she’s had to minimalize herself to this extent in order to live with this man. Coming across your blog today has stirred an impulse in me to forward her your blog. I worry that she is suffering alone, and feels she has no one. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure she knows I love her and would always be a place of shelter and comfort if she was ready to face her reality. Since I have never straightforwardly said, “I think ____ is a narcissist and I’m worried about you,” I fear hurting her more by forwarding this information. It’s not the first time I’ve grappled with doing something along these lines, butI have yet to follow through. I was wondering what is your opinion about this. How would you feel if a friend like me sent you a link to a blog like yours? Thanks for your input. Sorry for the long post. And thank you for sharing your story.

    1. Samantha Matthews says:

      Im not sure how I would feel. Honestly, I have a friend in the same situation as your friend, and Im positive hes a narcissist. I dont know how to bring it up with her either, and Im in her same boat. All you can do is try, I think, and let her know theres no judgement on your side, you just want to help her where you can.

      I think this is one of the hardest things to go through, because its something you have to work through internally, mentally, and at the same time you do need help from the outside, and that can make you feel really exposed, naked, and scared. I mean, our everyday life has taught us that to be vulnerable is to be injured, so we hide 99% of ourselves. Its a horrible catch 22.

      Do what you can, hopefully she will come to the place where she can start helping herself, and you can start helping her then.

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