The Illusion of Choice with a Narcissist

Any presentation of choice in your relationship with an abuser is really an illusion. They will cajole, pout, or threaten to get their way. Or simply just never stop talking about it until you give up. In addition, if you stand your ground and DONT agree with whatever crazy idea they’re trying to get you to go along with, they act out. So, if you disagree with his suggestion, on anything, you’re punished for it, even if they appear to go along with your plan. They will pull out all the stops to make sure you know they didn’t want...
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I can’t even…

I ended a day that should have been a good one crying on the floor in my bathroom in despair. I know, I’m probably not the only one whose had a day like mine. A day where nothing much seemed to go wrong, but nothing was right either. And after a few too many glasses of wine and a totally eye opening video of what how fat you have really gotten, well, the effects of the life your living come crashing down and there is nothing left but your pain. I thought I was doing OK, really. Maybe drinking more...
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Narcissistic Hoovering: the Results

Narcissistic Hoovering I am not really sure what to title this, or even where to start. I guess narcissistic hoovering is really what happened, but it feels so much more genuine than what that communicates. Im sure many of you saw this coming, because this is what happens with toxic relationships, somehow they suck you back in… So ill just cut right to it. He hovered me back in a couple months ago by making a total transformation and making me think he was really genuinely changed. I KNOW. How could I fall for it? (Seriously, I knew better and...
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The Power of Our Community

Harnessing the Power of our Community Alright guys, I have been doing a lot of soul searching about this site and how I can use what we have built to best benefit our community here and the world, and I am implementing something new. I want to harness the power of our community and share a family/ spouses crowdfunding page who is escaping from an abusive situation, each month. There will be a few requirements, of course. And as much as I want to, I know I won’t be able to share everyones stories. But we as a group can help to...
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My Recovery From a Narcissistic Relationship

Recovery From a Narcissistic Relationship
Recovery from a Narcissistic Relationship Where Ive been… So, there has been some serious radio silence from me these past few months. Im sorry. I finally had enough and left him and through all that, while I would have loved to be able to share my journey with you, it seemed like getting on here re-opened the wound and I couldn’t keep doing that if I wanted to heal. That said, I feel like Im doing amazing now! I have spent my time rebuilding my life and learning a TON about blogging and how to support myself both in the...
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How Narcissists Destroy Your Perception of Reality

how narcissists damage your perception of reality
How Narcissists Destroy Your Perception of Reality I found this amazing video this morning and it totally opened my eyes to whats been going on with me lately. I mean, I totally see him Gaslighting me now, I doubt him instead of myself . I have made peace with the fact that sometimes I might be wrong, but I CHOOSE to believe myself over him. Period. However, the damage has been done to a certain extent. I still obsessively check my phone for fear he has texted me and I might have missed it. I lie to avoid confrontation, I...
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Finding Myself…

This is the only place in the entire world where I can actually be myself. And the horrible, painful irony, is I cant show my face or use my real name here. I can’t risk him finding out. HOW could I ever have thought this was normal?! To have everything that’s me taken away, to be denied even the smallest voice, to be ridiculed and put down and ignored until I don’t even know who I am anymore. Ask me what I do for fun, and I can’t tell you. I don’t have fun, I have moments of peace, that...
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An Open Letter To My Abusive Husband…

Letter-To-My-Abuser
Things were bad right from the start, but I was too young and naive to see it. That’s why you picked me, isn’t it? I was so trusting, and innocent. I had no idea you were broken, no idea our relationship wasn’t normal. I believed you when you told me I was messing up, and I didn’t question you. You could control me, keep me at arms length, and enjoy all the effort I gave into making our “relationship” a success. And then, one day, I started to notice. Notice how controlling you are, how you turned everything I had...
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The Last Straw…

Sometimes I feel like an idiot. Not for the things I do wrong, according to him. But for not moving fast enough, for not realizing every day how bad it is to live with him. For not getting out years ago. And I know, its a process, if I had left years ago I would not have had any idea about what’s really wrong with him, and he probably would have wooed me back. I have a soft heart, I know it probably would have happened. So in that sense, I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. Maybe its taken...
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Narcissist- Just a Big Baby

Narcissists-Big-Babies
Narcissist- Just a Big Baby I think, in reading about narcissism all over the web, that we have significantly blurred the lines between psychopathy and narcissism, and see them as the same. Certainly there are many psychopathic narcissists, but a lot of them are just people that were broken as kids and never grew up. Does this make them less damaging? Absolutely not. but i think it helps those who have been victimized to let it go and move on with their lives when they realize they are essentially dealing with an emotionally handicapped individual. its not that they choose...
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