Recovery from a Narcissistic Relationship
Where Ive been…
So, there has been some serious radio silence from me these past few months. Im sorry. I finally had enough and left him and through all that, while I would have loved to be able to share my journey with you, it seemed like getting on here re-opened the wound and I couldn’t keep doing that if I wanted to heal.
That said, I feel like Im doing amazing now! I have spent my time rebuilding my life and learning a TON about blogging and how to support myself both in the “real” world and online. I am changing the direction of the website from being a sad, struggling story, to trying to help people who are going through what I went through. I want this to be a place where you find hope and some answers and not just another reason to cry.
The Cliff-notes Version
As Im sure your wondering, Ill give you the quick version. I told most of the story on my Facebook page, as I was going through it, so you can check it out there as well.
Basically, he went off the deep end. Decided he was going to call both our parents to “tattle” on me. Once he did that, I knew it was over. He was throwing things and screaming and I was so detached it wasn’t even real to me. So I played along and pretended everything was fine. We “made up” and the next morning after he left for work I loaded up my car and the kids and left.
It was the hardest thing I have EVER done. I felt like a total dirtbag the entire time I was packing. I was shaking. I had a whole $2 in my bank account and no cash and no plan and I was leaving him. Like, the entire year before while I was trying to get my life together, and never could manage it was for nothing.
I slept on the couch at my parents for a few nights, signed up for state assistance right away and that came through surprisingly fast. I called an old boss of mine and he offered me a job I could start as soon as I wanted and I re-connected with an old high school girlfriend who offered me a room in her home for as long as I wanted. It was amazing how everything came together for me. I leapt and the net, it appeared! God truly made a path for me and has led me to where I am now. Which is crazy amazing.
Where Im at Now!
I have made so much personal progress, I don’t even recognize myself from before. I look at old pictures and I look grey. Like my sadness can’t even hide inside my skin, its leaching out and stealing the color from the world around me. And now, Im happy. I feel like the weight is gone and I can create a future I can be proud of.
I also don’t feel like my pain was for nothing. I learned SO much, and have been blessed by all your comments sharing that I have helped you, I can only be thankful for my experiences. And maybe that makes me abnormal. I feel like I should be broken and damaged from what I lived thorough, and in ways, I am. But mostly, I feel free and happy and ready to take on my dreams and make them come true.
Yes, I have help. Im off state assistance now and my family is letting me support myself again, but mood wise, I found this amazing natural product called Clear Mood that helps me to focus and not get dragged down by chaos in my mind. I used it before I left and it kept me treading water and functioning at a basic level (rather than hiding in bed all day) but now, its like the extra energy and focus this ADD brain needs! I stopped using Adderall because of the side effects that were beginning to pop up, this fills the gap for me.
And Im going to church again, actually getting involved which is WAY out of my comfort zone. I haven’t been into a church since high school and I think its having a big effect on my heart and helping me to move on with my life.
I met a new guy. Yeah, he has a lot of the same traits as my ex, BUT we work through things and talk about things and communicate. And he doesn’t yell and call me names and blame me for anything. Ill confess, Im not always ready for where being in a healthy relationship takes me. Im not even sure what a healthy relationship looks like most of the time. Im totally in the dark here and I am figuring things out as I go. Im looking for something like, “How to have a healthy relationship 101” or something and Im seriously considering looking into counseling or a workshop just to try and learn some new habits. Because Ive been in survival mode for so many years and Im USED to doing things on my own. But, he’s patient with me and of course, he isn’t perfect either, so were figuring things out as we go. And he makes me happy, no sad, so I think we have the most important part figured out. 🙂
The Future of the Narcissists Wife
Going to be 100% up front here with you guys. I will be adding in a few things to try and both help YOU and make me some money. I have two kids to somehow pay for their sports and college and hopefully someday weddings, and I want to continue to build a strong future for myself. I am going to do everything I can to help YOU find a way to do that as well. So I promise I will only promote or recommend things I have used and KNOW are awesome and will help you. This will never be a sales/e-commerce site. I love the community that we’ve built and my only goal is to help us ALL move forward together and leave the darkness behind.
With all my love and hope for a bright future,