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a3315ad7fd269c6846dc8552d25fc95eSo, I really didn’t know what to post. Its been crappy these last few days, but nothing huge. And so I find myself wondering if I’m just so used to all this crap, that his abuse has become normal. After all, its not like he’s beating me. Just dragging my reputation through the mud and getting mad at me if I even hint he might be abusive.

Example: I liked the post from Huffington post “He Never Hit Me“, and for some lovely reason Facebook decided to broadcast that particular like and he saw it. Of course he took it personally, because he’s not an idiot, and he does know what hes doing… Yeah, kinda sick. He latched right onto the fact that hes not cheated on me (no proof he has, but I’m not so sure he hasn’t). And since he hasn’t, than NOTHING else in that article could possibly be true, and how dare I hurt him like that… Blah blah blah. Then, comes home and yells at me for the house not being clean enough, even though the major messes that are out right now are his. Typical narcissist.

So I’ve gotten used to it, just the low level acting like a jerk, and only the huge major screaming matches really freak me out now. Unfortunately, I see my oldest child scrambling now, trying to stop Daddy from getting mad, from threatening to throw out her stuff if shes left it laying out, from yelling at Mommy, even taking the blame for stuff herself. That’s horrible, I HATE seeing that. And it totally sucks because I cant save them from him. He will show them how much of an ass he is, and they have to learn they cant count on Daddy. Really, my only hope is maybe finding a good man who will love them like I do, and show them what to look for in a marriage and a family.

But finding this graphic and seeing it written out, the things that he does are NOT normal. These things are not part of every relationship, this isn’t going to happen again if I find someone else, unless hes another abuser. And I PRAY that I would see through another guy attempting to love bomb me and I never end up here again. Because this is the worst thing I have ever had to deal with, and I have been though some shit…

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8 thoughts on “Whats Really Normal, When Your Living With a Narcissist?

  1. Is says:

    Hey I just came across your pin and wanted to know how are you and your kids doing now? I hope you guys are much better!

    1. Samantha Matthews says:

      Were getting there. Im starting to really see how long of a road this really is. And how messed up Ive goten over the last 13 years. But, slowly putting myself back together! Thank you!

  2. marisela andrews says:

    i am in despreatly in need off help

    1. Samantha Matthews says:

      What can we do?

  3. Alia S says:

    Oh my god ! It’s like I’m reading about my life, except (I’m so sorry but I thank god) we don’t have kids (although to use his words “he would make a wonderful father” I shiver and all I can think is “I wouldn’t even be allowed to raise my own child”).
    I can’t like any fb NPD site (which I so badly want as a support) or any article or post about this subject for I’ll be told I embarrass him, being passive aggressive, childish and it will be followed with a “that’s how you treat me” attack. Anytime I like something that slightly confronts him with his lack of love, care or empathy I get told the most unrelated crap too; ” not texting this not that woman”, “I didn’t even notice her photo in her bikini” (huh?) “I can’t have any female friends without you being dramatic!” “Your hang ups thanks to your idiot ex!” Another weird bs from him, yes my ex has hurt me, yes I was upset and it even scarred me but I dealt with it, I learned from it and I moved on. Where as hunby wont even name a particular ex by her name and he has revenge ideas he shared with me yet he is proud about how he is over it, he’s dealt with it and learned from it and is well balanced (all I can think when he brags about it is “dude seriously!??! I’m not the one that would want to drive my ex off the road if I saw him”.
    I get told too that the house is a mess (I get told I’m a lousy house keeper and I full of bs because I’ve always been proud of his I always had a clean house regardless of the physical pains I was in that often caused me to be immobile, yet my house was respectable, inviting and cozy… he even tore that down into a “you’re lying”. It’s his crap laying around, his dishes he just leaves everywhere, yet I’m not cleaning house correctly!
    I would like to know if the following is typical for a NPD: I moved into his house (I’m from another country and we decided it was more practical for me to move to his country; he had a house where I rented etc), all in his house is old (I mean falling apart kinda old) and has memories of exes (which I feel is why he keeps it). When we married I hoped and asked if we were going to change stuff so it would be our house. In time is what I was told. The house still looks like a storage dump. I am not allowed to buy anything without his approval. My parents, when they visited, wanted to buy us a couch but I stopped them (using an excuse) as I knew he’d get angry. I can’t change colors, I don’t get to decide on anything yet he is convinced that he gives me all the room to bring ideas to the table but that I “don’t ever make any decisions or plans so why am I blaming him”. When we do shop for something new he picks out a number of items and I get to choose from that selection. Anything I pick is always s direct “no, not good enough. That won’t work” etc
    Is that part of the NPD? You don’t get a say in anything ? And he always has an excuse to reason about it, he smooths it over making it my inability to choose or decide, how it’s my “insecurity” my “immaturity” etc

  4. Lisa says:

    I’ve been reading your blogs and feel like I must have been writing this in my sleep.
    Mine kicked us out AGAIN and I’m just hoping to gather enough resources to leave him for good. I left once and came back stupidly believing our love was strong enough to work it out. I sacrificed myself, my credit, reputation, head and heart, and put my kids through hell to try again…. I’m an idiot..
    He’s thrown us out for the last time….

  5. JBR says:

    I’ve been reading your posts this morning.
    It’s SO heartbreaking.. I lived this for 13 years.
    I felt stupid for marrying someone like this, I felt crazy for being so unhappy being with someone everyone else thought was so wonderful, I felt crazy in general because he was gaslighting me, I felt worthless, lazy, stupid, and ugly because he told me constantly that I was, I felt guilty because I kept thinking of leaving (and I’m a good Christian girl)….. I was scared that he’d get custody of the children, I was scared that he’d track me down and kill me if I left, I was scared that he’d kill me if I stayed.
    My memory was shot from all the stress, I was nervous all the time. I would even find myself fantasizing about random men who held the door open or showed any kind of courtesy, because I wasn’t used to a man being nice to me.
    My biggest struggle was the kids. I didn’t want them to grow up in a broken home (although their home was already terribly broken), and I couldn’t gage the risk of their father getting custody.
    I finally left when his rage was directed at our oldest, 11 at the time. That was six years ago.
    I didn’t have a plan or a support system in place. It was just a gut reaction to a psycho threatening my child.

    And I’m still dealing with the effects of the relationship. It’s taken so long to even recognize “normal.” So long to remember who I was, and to realize that who I am now, even as damaged as I became, is still worthwhile. I feel stronger than I ever have been, more secure and confident.

    Please – if you’re reading this, and you know it describes your relationship (man or woman), know that you’re not crazy. You’re not stupid. You’re not worthless. If you have children, they deserve at least one parent who is emotionally healthy, and in an abusive relationship, you can’t be. Even if you’re isolated and alone, YOU ARE WORTH SAVING.

    It’s scary to think about leaving. It’s hard to leave, I know. But you deserve peace.

  6. Shiloh says:

    Please understand that what you described was my first marriage. Scariest part was walking away into the unknown. That was in 2009. I made it. I made lots of mistakes along the way but I made it. You can too. Please let me know if you need advice and maybe some pointers. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids to walk away.

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