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Complex PTSD

ComplexPTSD
So, I stumbled across a fun little tidbit the other day, apparently, Complex PTSD actually changes the physical characteristics of your brain. I have been reeling a little from this, and also re-examining the way I view my relationship and the name I’m giving the abuse he is inflicting on me. I mean, technically, he is changing my physical being in a hateful way, so is that not then, physical abuse? The research did study soldiers, not the victims of abusive partners, and having never been in actual war zones, I cannot compare our experiences, though I would imagine their is much...
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Whats Really Normal, When Your Living With a Narcissist?

So, I really didn’t know what to post. Its been crappy these last few days, but nothing huge. And so I find myself wondering if I’m just so used to all this crap, that his abuse has become normal. After all, its not like he’s beating me. Just dragging my reputation through the mud and getting mad at me if I even hint he might be abusive. Example: I liked the post from Huffington post “He Never Hit Me“, and for some lovely reason Facebook decided to broadcast that particular like and he saw it. Of course he took it...
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“Ashes By Now”, Narcissistic Traits

The kids have been off school this last week and we decided to go to the mountains, even though we really couldn’t afford it and I should have been working. Whatever, it was nice to get away for awhile and we had a nice time with relatively few incidents. Seriously, it was nice, I read a book. Played games with kid one, kid 2 stood on her own for the first time. Seems like everything was peaceful, if not “fine” in the traditional sense of the word. Except for one thing, turns out, hes been talking shit about me and lying...
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Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Stumbled across this article and was sadly, shocked at how EXACTLY this fits my relationship. Also, makes me a little nervous and ready to get out before things get any worse. He claims his ex used to hit him, I now wonder if it wasn’t a mutual thing… 6 Early Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
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You make me sick…

I don’t think I have been sick this often since my oldest daughter started preschool… I know it has to be the stress. Every day is a surprise, I never know what kind of night I’m going to have…. For instance, Monday, I was so sick, fever, chills, SO achy, and home all day with an active one year old. I still tried to make sure I got most of my phone calls made and did some research online for a new revenue opportunity, but just tried to rest and get better. And when jerkface got home, I still had dinner...
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Im NOT crazy…

I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore, and I finally really told someone what I’m dealing with. Luckily, she already kinda knew and has always seen my husband for who he really is (which is why they have never really gotten along). And now I feel SO much better. Just because I know its really, absolutely, 100% not all in my head, and someone KNOWS and supports me. That’s so huge. I feel more accountable now too. I cant let the depression take me over, I have to fight it and get myself to the point of being able to...
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Domestic Violence Awareness Month…

I’m finding it particularly difficult to keep to myself this month. The temptation to just totally expose him for his behavior is really tempting. Every time I go on facebook, there’s a new post about abusive partners, womens rights, etc, etc, etc. I think its great, and it makes me super angry that he dosnt see himself in that behavior. Stupid I know. A narcissist will never admit that his behavior is out of line. I KNOW this, but it still makes me mad. One time I did make a post about how calling names is verbally abusive on my...
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Walking on Eggshells

Everything came very close to an end in these last couple days. To the point I began filling out divorce papers and had him look at child custody situations. Course, after all that, he realized I wasn’t going to fold, and he came and apologized (so that makes maybe 8 apologies in a 13 year relationship). Anyway, realizing my financial situation and where Im at with a car (one is in his name only and has a high payment, the other is in his sisters name, joys of the shitty credit we have), I am trying to just let it...
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Entitled…

So, yesterday He told me I am acting “entitled” and taking advantage of him, in the midst of another argument over how I’m not bringing in enough money, though I have made more money in the last two months than in the four months before, enough to get all caught up in fact. Regardless, he’s angry because even though I am still running our business from home and caring for our baby and running a million errands daily, in between baby naps, taking kid 1 to school and bringing home after, along with working until 11 or 12 every night to...
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Sometimes drowning…

Its strange to me how much more real this all is to me now. I have been wrestling with the idea hes a narc for about a year and a half. Sadly, my realization that he might actually be a narcissist came while I was pregnant with my second child. Talk about devastating. And I went back and forth in my mind for MONTHS before I realized the truth in such a way that it was undeniable anymore. I think I have only come to that understanding in these last few weeks, which is probably why I’ve moved on to...
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